Cup of tea and biscuit at hand, I'm going to write something a little bit different on my blog today. Not just your normal beauty, fashion, food, favourites, skincare post but something a little more 'personal' I guess you could say. I don't know what it is, but 2015 seems like a kinda bizarre year for me. Things have been all kinds of crazy, and I just wanted to take a moment to chat about my experiences, thoughts and changes that are happening. I thought it may be interesting to some of you, let you guys get to know me a little differently and allow me in future to look back and understand my thought patterns at 'that' time. 

First up - career. When I started blogging, I really didn't know what I wanted to do. I knew that I wanted to run my own business, but I didn't know what in. I remember sitting at a family gathering with as many aunties, uncles, grandparents, cousins, second cousins etc to serve your biggest italian family for generations (or what it felt like at the time anyway). With a million and one people asking me what I want to do when I'm older. I was so driven (still am) to do well and be successful. I think at the time I thought that setting up a business would be a lot easier than it actually is, but still to this day it's something I love working amongst, in and building. I used to use blogging as a little outlet to give me something to do and make myself look 'busy' in the office. But now I use it as something to share my ideas, a reference / portfolio for future possible employees and all in all a place where I can build my own little corner of the internet with all different things about me. 

Today, sat in the office, I was thinking about how much has changed since I've left school. I left school at 16 with 1 A*, 3 As and 6Bs under my belt with a wealth of experience (for a 16 year old anyway), a kick ass set of references & contacts alongside a sh*t ton of drive, ambition and vision. With that I'm now a Sales & Marketing Manager and Shareholder for a Corporate Commercial Company Full Time. I also have my own Graphic & Web Design Company (or Creative Studio as I sometimes like to call it!) called Exquisite where I've just had an offer from Sky Sports 4 Presenter, Ex Model & Model Booker and Photographer - Anna Fowler - to design her new Photography Portfolio Website. I've also had an offer from my old teacher at school to work on different property management projects / websites / contracts with him which excites me greatly. 

I guess that just goes to show that ever since I left school, I never really had a plan. I had a vision of where I wanted to be but that was looking forward about 10 years or so, not in the nearest day, week or month. I just went out there, did a shed load of research, built up my social media profile (LinkedIn really is my best friend... well not my best best friend, but was pretty dang handy) and just put myself out there. It just goes to show that when you put the time, effort and commitment into doing what you want to do you can succeed. Looking forward 10 or so years, I'd love to take my shares out of the company, invest it in properties and do that full time. But that's just a brain storm. 

So since all things are good with work. You'd imagine that things would all be underhand, 'cool' and settled... to say the least. I'm pretty damn happy, in general. Ever since I've been driving (aka just before Christmas) I've been so much more free to do what I like and experience new things and see people easier. I've been out and about like no tomorrow (by golly I've noticed a difference in my bank account... let's just say my ASOS Premium hasn't been getting it's usual daily dosage...) but things are crazy. I don't know why I just feel like at the moment, everything is 'haze-y'. It's almost like a complete transition phase and everyone seems to be a little bit crazy. 

Just before Christmas / over Christmas time things went a little bit crazy and it was all a little bit of an emotional roller coaster. With people's loyalty slacking and peoples gossip levels through the roof it proved difficult to just chill out and be your normal up beat self, really. Recently with things coming back again due to gossiping, chatting and nattering it seems as though it's all came up again and it's just a bit of a whirlwind. It's at times like this, I guess you find out who your true friends are. And I'm not for any second guessing that any of my friends are slackers, more the complete opposite, the protective kind which makes me stress out ten to the dozen times more because I feel like I'm responsible for them and their feelings too and worry about them worrying about me. 

I guess things are pretty much about just jumping the gun and taking things step by step. Just taking a small, leisurely walk to the shop instead of sprinting your way through the london marathon. But little ole me is proving less 'chill' than I really ever thought I was. Over thinking has never really been something I've foreseen myself getting involved in, let alone letting my feelings grow pretty far. I guess sometimes I just don't know what to do and I just overthink and just think to myself 'if I think about this enough I'll think of a solution' but end up getting myself in all kinds of crazy thought paths that make me feel upset, happy and scared all in the space of about 10 seconds. Not being good at sharing your feelings, having a guard up and just being all round difficult when it comes to all kinds of feelings and blue / gray areas... it's freaking difficult. Once you say one thing, you have to stick to it and that's that. I just don't know - it's just so scary to think that I'm just not in control as much anymore and that's what scares me more than anything really. They say there's a first time for everything, but I don't know how many 'first times' I can really do right now, with all of work going on too. But I guess - at times like this you've just got to be strong and just try not to think about it and just deal with shit as it comes to you bit by bit. We're only human right? 

But even with work - loyalty is just not there anymore. I remember my father saying it to me this morning, and it is so so so true. People would rather go through the hassle of moving contractors and everything for the sake of saving a couple of pounds per hour or week or months. It's not about the service anymore, well it is, but it all bruttles down to cost in the end. People want to much (service) for such little money (cost). I don't know whether it lays as service > cost or cost > service right now, and that (in itself) is frustating. 

I'm only 43 days into 2015 but I'm already exhausted. It's going to be a good year with plenty of experiences, both good and bad. But I can't wait to see what it brings me and hopefully things kinda settle down soon too. After all,  this little "make today worth it" catch phrase and desktop wallpaper is proving pretty darn helpful. Oh the little things. 

How has 2015 been treating you so far?